The Biblical Man: Lovemaking
Proverbs: Lovemaking . Preached March 10, 2002 . Mark Driscoll . Mars Hill Church
Keller Q&A: Is there a biblical commandment against pre-marital sex? What does it mean that sex is a “Covenant Renewal Ceremony”? | Stream
Sermon Series: Sacred Romance in The Song of Songs:
Notes:
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” – Proverbs 5:18-19
God made us male and female which was very good (Genesis 1:27, 1:31; Psalm 139:14).
God created a process by which we become married and enjoy marital intimacy (Genesis 2:24-25, cf. Matt. 19:5, Mk. 10:7-8, Eph. 5:31). Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Because of rampant sexual sin and Greek dualism (separating the physical from the spiritual) the early church set a course of dishonoring the body and sexual pleasure.
Tertullian (155 AD – 220 AD) and Ambrose (340 AD – 397 AD) were said to prefer extinction of the human race to continued sexual intercourse. Origen (185 AD – 254 AD) was so convinced of the evils of sexual pleasure that he not only allegorized the Song of Songs but also took a knife and castrated himself. Gregory of Nyssa (335 AD – 394 AD) taught that Adam and Eve were created without sexual desire and if the fall had not occurred the race would have reproduced itself by some harmless mode of vegetation. Chrysostom (347 AD – 407 AD) said that Adam and Eve could not have had sexual relations prior to the fall. Jerome (347 AD – 420 AD) often threw himself into thorny brambles to overwhelm himself with pain when he began to desire a woman sexually. Augustine (354 AD – 430 AD) was sexually active prior to his conversion and later decided that sex within marriage was not sinful, though the lust and passion associated with it was sinful. The view of the Catholic Church through the Middle Ages was that sexual love, both in and out of marriage, was evil. By the fifth century priests were forbidden to marry. The church eventually began to limit the days on which sex was permissible and continued adding days until half of the year or more was prohibited. Thomas Aquinas (1225 AD – 1274 AD) taught that sex was only permissible for purposes of procreation. Martin Luther (1438 AD – 1546 AD) said that, “Intercourse is never without sin; but God excuses it by his grace because the estate of marriage is his work, and he preserves in and through the sin all that good which he has implanted and blessed in marriage.”
Sexual desire is not to be killed but rather directed toward marriage. Proverbs 5:81-19 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
Scripture gives many reasons for lovemaking
1. pleasure (Song of Songs)
2. children (Genesis 1:28 )
3. oneness (Genesis 2:24)
4. knowledge (Genesis 4:1)
5. protection (I Corinthians 7:2-5)
6. comfort (2 Samuel 12:24)
The Song of Songs gives great liberty to sexual freedom and the full use of all five senses.
1. kissing (SOS 1:2)
2. oral/fellatio – her initiative (SOS 2:3)
3. manual stimulation – her invitation (SOS 2:6)
4. petting – his initiative (SOS 4:5)
5. oral/cunnilingus – his initiative (SOS 4:12-5:1)
6. striptease – (SOS 6:13b-7:9)
7. new places, positions, etc. including outdoors – her initiative (SOS 7:11-13)
Christian lovemaking should be both free and frequent.
I Corinthians 7:3-5 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
It is also vital that we take heed of the Song of Songs frequent admonition to catch the small foxes (sins and annoyances) that continually seek to destroy the growth of marital intimacy.
1. female discomfort (i.e. dryness or tenseness)
2. nonoxynol 9
3. adultery actual or mental (i.e. pornography)
4. an overall bad marriage
5. grooming (i.e. male nails, beard, breath)
6. premature ejaculation
7. sexual abuse
8. promiscuity
9. silent wives
10. impatient husbands
11. predictability
For Further Reading on Sexuality:
Fidelity, by Douglas Wilson (theological for him); Intended for Pleasure, by Ed Wheat; (practical for both) How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure, by Lou Pagett (very frank for him); A Celebration of Sex, by Douglas Rosenau (great for both) Intimate Issues, by Linda Dillow (theological for her); How To Be a Great Lover, by Lou Pagett (very frank for her); The Wounded Heart, by Dan Allendar (on sexual abuse).
