The Art of Raising a Daughter

// May 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life

A great post from The Art of Manliness:

I’m not going to lie, when I first heard that we were having a girl, a small tinge of disappointment hit me; I’d really been hoping for a boy.  I know, turn me in for the jerk-of-the-year award.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want a girl, it was just that I didn’t know how I would relate to, or help raise a sex that preferred tea parties to a rugby match.

It was easy to imagine how I would bring up a boy.  Strict discipline mixed with love and honor, lessons of wilderness survival, famous battles, endless wrestling matches and instruction in being a gentleman.  A girl on the other hand?  The idea terrified me.  Pictures of puberty, boy band concerts, awkward dad moments and an embarrassed/annoyed daughter helped convince me that I wasn’t cut out for the task of raising a daughter.

Part of my misunderstanding came from being raised as an only child, growing up around boys via various sports teams, then attending a military academy with a 6:1 guy to girl ratio.  Let’s just say, while I appreciated the opposite sex, I knew very little about them other than they confused me and smelled nice.

Then my daughter was born and my theories were immediately tossed out the hospital window.  She was beautiful, and I quickly took to being her father.  She was mine and I was hers.  My heart melted inside me the first time I held her and later, when she said “Dada!” and held out her arms to hug me.  The fears I once had about not being able to love a girl as much evaporated as I became the ridiculously proud parent I’d always mocked.

Now, my daughter is still just a toddler, so I know that I have many, many lessons still to learn (a fact that nearly kept me from writing this post in the first place).  The teenage years still loom ahead like a storm on the horizon taunting me…with tongue piercings and glittery lip gloss.  But, even with only a short time under my belt, my daughter has taught me some incredibly important lessons that I never would have picked up had she not blessed my wife and me with her presence.

1) Men are born to protect. Regardless of whether it has gone out of fashion in today’s society, deep in the heart of every man is a desire to protect his loved ones.  To make sure that they feel safe when you’re around, like the calming presence of a strong lion protecting the rest of the pride.  Though I’m sure that this instinct is there with boys as well, the strong conviction I have to protect my daughter is greater than nearly anything I’ve felt in my life.  It isn’t a feeling that has to be worked up, it’s just there, like cement, daring someone to move it.

Taking on the protector role means carrying yourself a bit differently.  Rather than wandering aimlessly down any dark alley, I now am more aware of my surroundings and where I am taking my baby.  I also find myself a bit less sympathetic when other people’s reckless actions invade my daughter’s life.  I used to work out mostly for vanity; I wanted to look good.  Now, I work out knowing that I could be the sole person standing between an intruder and my wife and child.  And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the time I’ve spent developing intimidation tactics for future boyfriends.  Good luck Johnny brace-face.

2) Girls keep a man’s heart from growing too hard. Perhaps it’s because I went to a military academy, or spent too much time watching “Gladiator,” but I realized after the birth of my daughter that my heart had grown a bit hard.  My compassion, patience and grace were all lacking.  I firmly believed that “second place was the first loser,”  “Pain was just weakness leaving the body,” etc.  I had great pride in the discipline and efficiency through which I ran my life and home.  These tough-guy attitudes suddenly seemed a bit ridiculous as I would look into the eyes of an innocent little girl content with blowing bubbles, chasing butterflies and eating copious amounts of cheese.

It’s not that I have now become a bumbling mess of emotion and softness since the birth of my daughter, but I have allowed myself to accept that not everything in life is simply a resource that must be dedicated to some ultimate victory.  If we don’t get all of our chores done it’s not the end of the world.  My car used to be spotless, now it has crushed cheerios and toys strewn about the back seat…who cares!  With a child in one’s life, schedules and plans become much more flimsy.  When my daughter cries I don’t try to numb the pain with a motivational talk, I just hug her.  She’s kept my heart clean.

3) Every girl is some man’s daughter - There is no doubt that certain levels of sexism still remain alive in our culture today.  Until I had a daughter I gave the idea very little thought.  It had no direct impact on me, and I tried my best to be respectful to women, so why should I care?  Raising a daughter and beginning to think about her future has caused me to reconsider my views on sexism, the glass ceiling, even the role of women in the advertising and entertainment industries.  I’m sure most guys are like I was, giving a sigh and roll of the eyes when HR begins their annual training on sexual harassment, but things are a little different when the victim could someday be your daughter.

I once heard a lecture concerning America’s sex-saturated society.  The gentleman discussed pornography, sexual addiction and abuse, but one comment caused the whole audience to go startlingly silent.  “Every time you choose to view pornography, attend a strip club, solicit a prostitute, or in any other way, treat a woman like a piece of flesh rather than a person, remember one thing:  That girl is some man’s daughter.”  Men sat silently, the ones with daughters trembled at the idea of some man treating their daughter with such disrespect.  Women aren’t just peers, co-workers, friends…they’re daughters.

4) Slow Down – The other day my friend and I were walking to the library with my girl.  She just learned to walk a few months ago so she was a bit sporadic.  Speeding up, giggling, slowing down, stopping to pick up a stray leaf.  As we watched her take in the world around her, my friend commented, “Wouldn’t it be awesome if a walk to the library was this much fun?”  I chuckled for a moment, but realized this was one of the true blessings having a small child in my life brought to the table.  The reminder to slow down and enjoy the small, seemingly insignificant moments of life.  The ones that I had previously tried to fast forward or multi-task my way through.

I once heard a friend’s mom tell her kids before leaving on a long trip overseas, “Wherever you are, there you are.“  The sage words have stuck with me for years as they reveal a life philosophy which refuses to take a moment for granted.  How often do we talk to our friends while trying to check our e-mail on our iPhone, or let our minds think about the rest of the day’s errands as a loved one tries to connect with us?  Children live life much differently; they take their time, fully engaging one task at a time, not too concerned with what lies ahead or behind.  Maybe we could learn a thing or two from them.

5) Living for someone else -

“No man has ever risen to the real stature of spiritual manhood until he has found that it is finer to serve somebody else than it is to serve himself.” – Woodrow Wilson

Marriage is the first lesson most of us receive in learning to live for someone other than ourselves.  And just when we start to think we might have that lesson down, children shatter all our notions of self-righteousness.  Waking up at all hours of the night, changing diapers, feeding, cleaning…all these things are necessary parts of raising a healthy child, and they have been pivotal in forcing me to abandon some of my selfish habits.  My daughter could care less about my well-thought-out schedule or whether or not I have a flight early the next morning.  She continually challenges me to love her regardless of convenience.

I wrote previously that one of the greatest tests of manhood is whether or not one has learned to abandon their life in the service of another.  This idea makes some people’s skin crawl, but thus far it’s been one of the truest indicators of real manhood I’ve been able to find.  It doesn’t take much effort to be selfish.  In fact, it’s one of the most natural ways for us to live.  Children plop into our lives as miniature insurgents, waging war with our lifestyle of “me first.”  My daughter has opened my eyes to the beautiful struggle parents face in giving their lives to their children.  It isn’t comfortable, and often times it flat out hurts, but it builds a depth of character that can only be understood by others who have traveled a similar path.

For years men have been raising daughters into young women.  It used to scare me, it still scares me, but I’ll give my life away in pursuit of it any day.

Ignatius

// May 23rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Life

Hilarious…

HT: AF

From StudentLife.com:

This is a video we (Student Life) produced for a free youth minister event called Refuge. It was conceived as a satire for what I consider to be an unhealthy “rock star” culture that has been growing inside Christendom, as well as an encouragement for the unheralded heroes on the front lines of ministry. Our friends at the event seemed to get a kick out of it. Shot by Taylor Robinson and George Wiley, with video post by Jason Poole and audio by Eric Chapman and Nate Dregger. The role of Ignatius is played by our friend Josh Keefer.

Religious Affections

// May 7th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

We see the world of mankind to be exceedingly busy and active; and the affections of men are the springs of the motion: take away all love and hatred, all hope and fear, all anger, zeal and affectionate desire, and the world would be, in a great measure, motionless and dead; there would be no such thing as activity amongst mankind, or any earnest pursuit whatsoever. ‘Tis affection that engages the covetous man, and him that is greedy of worldly profits, in his pursuits; and it is by the affections, that the [sinfully] ambitious man is put forward in his pursuit of worldly glory; and ’tis the affections also that actuate the voluptuous man, in his pursuit of pleasure and sensual delights: the world continues, from age to age, in a continual commotion and agitation, in a pursuit of these things; but take away all affection, and the spring of all this motion would be gone, and the motion itself would cease. And as in worldly things, worldly affections are very much the spring of men’s motion and action; so in religious matters, the spring of their actions are very much religious affections: he that has doctrinal knowledge and speculation only, without affection, never is engaged in the business of religion.

-Jonathan Edwards, Religious Affections (Yale) 2:110.

HT: Miscellanies

The Tyranny of Sin

// April 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

“If the story of the world’s sufferings under different tyrants could all be written, there would be no man found who would be capable of reading it. I believe that even the despots themselves, who have committed the atrocities to which I refer, would not be suf?ciently cold-blooded to sit down and read the account of the agonies which their own victims have endured. I have been struck in passing through many lands with the horrible sufferings which in the olden times were endured by the poor at the hands of the rich kings and lords who were their oppressors. In almost every town in which you enter, you either have shown to you the rack, the dark dungeon, the thumb-screw, or the infernal machine, or instruments too horrible to describe-that make one’s blood run chill at the very thought and sight of them. Verily, O earth, thou hast been scarred; thy back has been ploughed with many a furrow; from thy veins have gushed forth plenteous streams of blood, and thy sons and thy daughters have had to suffer agonies extreme! But oh! my brethren, I speak in sober earnestness when I declare that all the sufferings that have ever been exercised upon man have never been equal to the tyranny which man has brought upon himself-the tyranny of sin. Sin has brought more plagues upon this earth than all the earth’s tyrants. It has brought more pangs and more miseries upon men’s bodies and souls than the craftiest inventions of the most cold-blooded and diabolical tormentors. Sin is the world’s great Despot. It is the serpent in whose subtle folds earth’s inhabitants are crushed. It is such a tyranny that none but those whom God delivers have been able to escape from it.” – Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Sin Slain, 1860

Simul justus et peccator

// April 17th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I cannot tell you how I am buffeted sometimes by temptation. I never knew how bad a heart I have. Yet I do know that I love God and love his work, and desire to serve him only and in all things. And I value above all else that precious Savior in whom alone I can be accepted. Often I am tempted to think that one so full of sin cannot be a child of God at all. But I try to throw it back, and rejoice all the more in the preciousness of Jesus and in the riches of the grace that has made us “accepted in the beloved.” Beloved he is of God; beloved he ought to be of us. But oh, how short I fall here again! May God help me to love him more and serve him better. Do pray for me. Pray that the Lord would keep me from sin, will sanctify me wholly, will use me more largely in his service.

p. 128, Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret

Blogging: A New Spiritual Discipline?

// April 15th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

I believe that for this new generation of Christians, blogging has become a new spiritual discipline. By most experts of biblical spirituality, journaling is a spiritual discipline that Christians have practiced for hundreds of years. Take for example, the fact that a huge portion of the Old Testament book of Nehemiah is the personal journal of a man whom God called to rebuild a city. And many of the Psalms are great examples of journal entries. In my opinion, blogging is the 21st-century form of journaling…E-journaling, if you will. There are some obvious differences, like the potential for an immediate audience, whereas regular journaling would only be read by others after the journaler had passed away. But for many, blogging is simply a new medium for the same essential task: devotionally recording the journey of faith.

John and Abraham Piper at Desiring God Ministries have some helpful thoughts on the purpose and value of blogging, especially for those that are pastors:

• 6 Reasons Pastors Should Blog – Abraham Piper

• What would you say to a pastor who is considering blogging? – John Piper

• Does having a blog affect your ministry? – John Piper

In his book Spiritual Disciplines of the Christian Life, Donald Whitney writes this:

[where the word "journal" is used, read "blog"]

“That there is a crying need for the recovery of the devotional life cannot be denied.  If anything characterizes modern Protestantism, it is the absence of spiritual disciplines or spiritual exercises.  Yet such disciplines form the core of the life of devotion.  It is not an exaggeration to state that this is the lost dimension in modern Protestantism.  One of the seldom-practiced but very valuable Spiritual Disciplines is journaling.  Though not commanded in Scripture, God has blessed its use since Biblical times.  Journaling is one way to express the pursuit of Christlikeness commanded in 1 Timothy 4:7:  ‘Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.’”

WHAT IS A JOURNAL?

A journal is a book in which a person may keep a variety of things, including a record of the works and ways of God in his life, of daily events, of personal relationships, of insights into Scripture, of prayer requests, of his feelings about and responses to these things, and the interpretation of all these from his own spiritual perspective.  The Bible itself contains many examples of God-inspired journals.  Many Psalms are records of David’s personal spiritual journey with the Lord.  The journal of Jeremiah’s feelings about the fall of Jerusalem we call Lamentations.  A journal not only promotes spiritual growth by means of its own virtues but it’s also a valuable aid to the other Spiritual Disciplines as well.

THE VALUE OF JOURNALING

1. It helps in self-understanding and evaluation (Rom. 12:3)
2. It helps in meditating on the Lord and His Word (Josh. 1:8; Ps. 1:1-3)
3. It helps in expressing one’s deepest thoughts and feelings to the Lord (Ps. 62:8b)
4. It helps in remembering the works of the Lord (Ps. 77:11-12)
5. It helps in creating and preserving a spiritual heritage (Deut. 6:4-7; 2 Tim. 1:5)
6. It helps in clarifying and articulating insights and impressions (1 Pet. 3:15)
7. It helps in monitoring goals and priorities (Phil. 3:12-16)
8. It helps in maintaining the other spiritual disciplines (1 Tim. 4:7)

Gospel-Centered Blogging

// April 3rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Bloggers have developed an increasingly powerful voice in the Christian world, and many are doing great things to contribute to the mission of bringing the message of Christ to the world. Podcasting your favorite sermons and feed-reading your favorite blogs is now replacing the influence of radio preaching and televangelism in the lives of the next generation of Christians. In the same way that radio and and tv were prone to espousing heresy and distortions of the Gospel, so it goes with the internet, as it is easier then ever for extremists with a bone to pick to build a platform and share their information with the world. The Band of Bloggers is an attempt to gather (in the same way that the Gospel Coalition is gathering preachers, teachers and theologians) a core of writers with a Gospel-centered message, whose aim it is to contend for the faith and share the one true Gospel of Jesus Christ with their audiences. I admire this effort and I look forward to seeing where this ministry goes in the years to come.

Here is the list of bloggers associated with the Band of Bloggers network.

Below is the list of blogs and podcasts that I read everyday through my Google Reader:

God's Sovereignty in this Recession

// March 15th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

John Piper‘s reflections on Some of God’s Purposes in the recession:

1. He intends for this recession to expose hidden sin and so bring us to repentance and cleansing.
2. He intends to wake us up to the constant and desperate condition of the developing world where there is always and only recession of the worst kind.
3. He intends to relocate the roots of our joy in his grace rather than in our goods, in his mercy rather than our money, in his worth rather than our wealth.
4. He intends to advance his saving mission in the world-the spread of the gospel and the growth of his church-precisely at a time when human resources are least able to support it. This is how he guards his glory.
5. He intends for the church to care for its hurting members and to grow in the gift of love.

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A Parable of Permanence

// March 7th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Here is a free book from John Piper. He waited forty years to write a book on marriage, and he’s giving it away. As my beautiful wife Brittany and I approach the 2nd anniversary of our marriage, I am inspired to read this. I have a lot to learn about loving her like Jesus loves her. Click on the image to download the book:

I know that this book will echo the message of Sacred Marriage (Gary Thomas), the book that Brittany and I read in our per-marital class 2 years ago: “God’s primary intent for your marriage isn’t to make you happy . . . but holy. God uses marriage as a discipline and a motivation to love him more and reflect more of the character of his Son.”

Piper writes:

God has been good to us. Life has not always been easy. But we did not expect it to be. We don’t expect it now. God has given us five magnificent children and four precious daughters-in-law, and ten grandchildren. I use the words “magnificent” and “precious” carefully. You will understand, perhaps, what it is to look at your own children and feel a sense of wonder. And then to feel your love flow out to the ones with whom they are now one flesh.

I waited forty years to write a book on marriage—This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence. I think that was about the right amount of time. Maybe I should have waited a bit longer. I am still learning how to love. But once you’ve had cancer, you don’t put things off the same.

To accompany that book I put together a collection of poems that I wrote for Noël over these years. It’s called Velvet Steel. Part of one of those poems hangs on our bedroom wall. It’s my echo of the text that was read by my father at our wedding, Habakkuk 3:17-18.

It’s a hard-times-but-happy text. It says,

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

The poem says,

Although the fig tree blossom not,
And all the vines of our small plot
Be barren, and the olive fail,
The sheep grow weak and heifers frail,
We will rejoice in God, my love,
And take our pleasures from above:
The Lord, our God, shall be our strength
And give us life, whatever length
On earth he please, and make our feet
Like mountain deer, to rise and cleat
The narrow path for man and wife
That rises steep and leads to life.

He has been pleased to give us 40 years, and it does rise steep. But it’s worth the climb. I thank God for Noël and for these years with all my heart.

Here is a cool interview where Piper speaks about his childhood, and with starting honesty about the struggles of his marriage, and how God is using marriage to humble and conform him to Christ’s likeness:

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Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross

// February 7th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Jesus, Keep Me
Near the Cross

Experiencing the Passion
and Power of Easter

Nancy Guthrie (editor)

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Read inside (PDFs): Sample Pages

Contributors: John Piper, Timothy J. Keller, Jonathan Edwards, John Owen, Stephen F. Olford, Joseph “Skip” Ryan, Martin Luther, Adrian Rogers, Philip Graham Ryken, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, J. Ligon Duncan, C. J. Mahaney, Charles H. Spurgeon, Augustine, J. I. Packer, John Calvin, Alistair Begg, John MacArthur, Raymond C. Ortlund, Jr., Francis A. Schaeffer, J. C. Ryle, James Montgomery Boice, R. C. Sproul, R. Kent Hughes, Joni Eareckson Tada

Publisher’s Description: This collection of readings, drawn from the writings and sermons of 25 classic and contemporary theologians and Bible teachers, focuses on the wonder of Christ’s sacrifice.

In a culture where crosses have become little more than decorative accessories and jewelry, how easy it is for even the most well-intended Christian to rush from Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday without thoughtfully contemplating the cross and all that it means. Yet we miss out on spiritual riches when we do.

So that we all may linger at the cross during the Lenten season—and stay near it the whole year through—editor Nancy Guthrie has compiled this special anthology. It draws from the works and sermons of classic theologians such as Luther, Edwards, Spurgeon, Ryle, and Augustine, and from leading contemporary communicators such as John Piper, R. C. Sproul, Francis Schaeffer, John MacArthur, Skip Ryan, and Joni Eareckson Tada to help readers enter into an experience of Christ’s passion and anchor their hope in the power of his resurrection.

Each essay in this collection holds to a high view of Scripture and expounds on a particular aspect of the Easter story using the appropriate Scripture passage from the ESV Bible. These readings are sure to prepare people’s hearts for a fresh experience of the cross each and every Easter season.

160 Pages
Published January 2009

About the Editor: Nancy Guthrie has a passion for sharing God’s Word through her growing national and international Bible-teaching ministry. She has worked in the Christian publishing industry for more than two decades.